Things I DESPERATELY want to believe

1. Food does not make me happy.
2. French fries and potato chips do more harm than the good that they taste.
3. Sunscreen is not an option.
4. I like my job.
5. There is a way to balance my love for cooking and my desire to stay fit.
6. The guy that just cut me off on the freeway is on the way home to save his favoriet childhood pet from eminent danger, and not just looking to get to happy hour 5 minutes faster.
7. I can control what upsets or angers me.
8. Food is not my friend.
9. Someday I will fit into my skinny jeans.

Back on the horse

Today started and ended well. Completed my run with Deric this morning, no stopping (which is a new favorite thing of mine to do, a.k.a. quitting). Had healthy lunch, breakfast, snack, and dinner. Going to bed feeling light and healthy!

Made pita pizzas for dinner, easy, quick, healthy, and delicious. Didn't put feta or basil on there, instead, spread a little pesto over the ricotta, yum.
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Greek-Pizzas/Detail.aspx

Sad, Mad, Glad

Sad- that it's only taken me 1 week to break one of my "discipline" resolutions. I weighed myself. and found that I have not made any progress.

Mad- that I know what the solutions are, I've been here before, I've done this! "BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!!!" But I choose to do things that hurt my chances of success... "self-sabotage" is what Deric calls it.

Glad- that I have not given up on my goals and become complacent. A work in progress is still a work. It's over when I say it's over!

For fun, here's a list of what I ate today:

Breakfast: Slice Spinach Quiche, Sausage breakfast burrito

Snack: Cheez-it mix (2 cups), Fruit, cheese/crackers/salami, hummus/pita

Lunch: Tortilla chips with queso/guac; French Silk pie (which I baked), birthday cake with buttercream frosting (which I baked).

Afternoon snack: Shockingly not hungry yet!

Cherry-pitting, lemon juicing, processing FUN!

I have had the most fun this evening with my newest kitchen gadgets!!!

I recently brought a food processor, a device that I have been yearning for, but couldn't convince myself that I needed it.. but then I had to make Hummus, in bulk, and the recipe asked for the processor.. so of course I bought it. I bought one of the cheapest ones out there, a Hamilton Beach from Wal-mart.

So far I have made:
- A grotesque amount of hummus, after which I decided that the store-bought kind is better

-Pie Crust - my first pie ever!

- I sliced potatoes for scalloped potatoes, so easy!

- I grated Grueyere cheese for the potatoes, I will never hand-grate again!

I also bought a cherry pitter... a must! My father picked 200lbs of cherries this past weekend in Oregon, so I decided to make a pie. I attempted to pit exactly 2 cherries by hand. After a few nicks with the knife, I decided to spend the $13 and get one from Bed Bath & Beyond.

And finally, I bought a lemon juicer! I saw one at BB&B for $15, but then when I was at Wal-mart later, I found an almost identical one for $6, oh wallyworld, you rarely disappoint :)

Progress

Day 2:

Victories:

• I have worked out 4 days this week!
• I have not weighed myself since Monday night (so hard! used to weigh twice daily, minimum)
• I have been drinking more water
• I feel great!

Works in Progress:

• I ate Chex Mix yesterday (210 cal) because I forgot to pack an afternoon snack
• I ate 3 pieces of Dark Chocolate, at lunch, in my car (we'll just go ahead and call it a closet)
• Need to add Protein to my diet, probably will start adding whey protein to shakes
• Need to start drinking shakes
• Need to start keeping a calorie chart
• Need to make a list of things in life that are more important than weight-loss.

Other:

• I need to buy a cherry pitter

What I ate this weekend

Just to see how bad it was, and why I weigh 2-3 lbs more than I did before the weekend, I thought I would add up everything I ate last weekend.

Friday Night:
Hungarian Sausage
2 slices bread
Licorice (at the airport)
Mints
20 Crackers(at tab's house)
Peach salsa

Saturday:
Starbucks Sausage breakfast sandwich
Coffee w/cream
Cake doughnut
Trail mix
M&Ms
Prime Rib
Teriyaki Chicken
Rosemary potatoes
Bacon green beans
salad w/ thousand island
Shortbread cookie
Cheesecake
Chocolate/strawberry cake
Meatball soup

Sunday:
Raisin Bran w/milk
Romanian cakes (5 pieces)
Coffee w/ cream
1/2 cheeseburger (thanks Mackenzie!)
Hotdog
Corn on Cob
Green beans w/ extra bacon
grilled Veggies
Cherries
Bocana Dolce( an awesome meringue & berry dessert)

Weddings, Weightloss and Willpower

My sister Jen's wedding was this weekend. The wedding was beautiful, there was little to no drama, and there was alot of food... which I ate alot of, and when I was done eating, I ate some more...

Today is my 2nd year anniversary. It's been a wonderful 2 years :) To celebrate, we are probably going to eat something special, then I will want dessert... to reward me for being married a whopping 2 years, yes, I should have more food...

Anniversaries remind me of where I am and where I have come from... My closet full of jeans also does the same thing! I have jeans that I fit into currently (4 pairs). I have jeans from a few months ago that are pretty snug when I first put them on, but after a few squats and exaggerated lunges, they fit perfectly! Then I have my pre-wedding jeans... the jeans stop at mid thigh...
the sad part is that I know my body has changed since I got married, but I didn't realize how much!!! I can't believe that I ever fit into those jeans!!
when I married, I vowed not to "let myself go".. and although I don't think I let go completely, I'm just a doughnut and french fry away from throwing all caution to the wind and filling my life with indulgences.

What I am lacking is will power and discipline. yes, I said it.
I LACK DISCIPLINE!
I have other names for it, I have a dozen self-diagnosed psychological problems that I can blame my problems on, but I think I have finally come to terms that I am terrible at sticking with things, and have an even harder time finishing things. which makes me hope and pray that doesn't apply to all aspects of my life, just food.

So, as a commemoration of my wedding anniversary, I'm going to try to be committed to a healthy lifestyle for one month. For one month, I am going to try to live a disciplined life. I plan on writing about it - mostly to vent (because it will be hard!) but also I believe that it could be therapeutic (says Dr. Lyg).

So my following month will look as such:

• Exercise 5 days a week, no skipping for no reason! Even if it's just my 1 workout DVD!
• Low-calorie, lower carb diet, not completely low-carb, just less than I am eating now
• No scale hopping, no weighing myself or measuring body fat for 1 month
• No negative thoughts, i do not attend the school of positive thinking, however, it is very hard to achieve a goal if you are constantly telling yourself you can't do it.
• Limit adding fat to meals, some olive oil is good, but i need to eat more nuts and fish
• Mix it up! try new gym locations and classes to change up my workout routine.
• Watch less TV, less mindless entertainment = less mindless eating
• Cook only recipes with nutrional values, most healthy recipes have these
• PRAYER, to achieve the above, I cannot do it in my own strength.

Happy Days

My favorite things about today:

1. I have sore leg muscles (means they're on their way to looking fierce, not flabby :)
2. I only worked 8 hours!
3. I had 1/4 of a cake doughnut
4. I was able (by the grace of God, seriously took prayer) to not eat the other 3/4 of it.
5. I took a nap in my car at lunch because it was too cold inside the office ( it was 104 degrees outside)
6. I was able to speak my mind to a coworker without feeling guilty.
7. Someone guessed I weighed 104 lbs! (obviously someone very clueless) but I'll take it as a compliment.
8. Had pasta primavera for dinner, with fresh herbs off my window sill.

ahhhh

Weekends

Today I had an egg and coffee breakfast. I read Good Housekeeping, a really good article on "Emotinal Eating". Then I read my giant cookbook of "1000 Low Fat, low sugar, low cholesterol, low salt recipes". Very good read.

Deric played soccer and I mowed the lawn. Only fitting because I skipped my workout yesterday. Checked on the garden: we have an on-going supply of cherry tomatoes. Our okra is being attacked by aphids, i think. The mystery plant turned out to be butternut squash ( i was secretly hoping for spaghetti squash). Also, our lawn has become the local bird hang-out. We turned on our soaker hose, and a few minutes later, we had about 50 birds hopping around the hose, presumably bathing, so cute.

Made salmon burgers for lunch, on the Foreman, pretty tasty! Not dry like I though they would be.

Shopped, found two cute dresses for Jen's wedding! yay, hunt is over.

Had sushi and udon noodles! yum! i love the gummy texture of udon noodles, how you can sink your teeth into them.

Researched France a little more: Here are the things I will eat in france so far:
1. Fois Gras
2. Escargot (snails)
3. Truffles
4. Cheese
5. Stinky cheese
6. Bleu cheese
7. pate
8. duck
9. cassoulet
10. french sausage
11. clafouti
12. Les frites
13. Le pain au chocolat
14. Les bon bons
15. Le gateau
16. beure (homemade)

Things I will not eat in France:
1. Blood Sausage

Lists

Today I decided that my life needed organization. Because I simply cannot remember things by writing them on sticky notes and then forgetting where I put the sticky note..... so I will start making lists. Yes, lists will do it! I shall be organized.

Things I need to organize:

1. my thoughts

2. my pictures, (boxes upon boxes)

3. my spice cabinet

4. my pantry

5. my laundry room/garage/bike closet/tool shed

6. my junk drawer

7. my office closet

8. my mind

9. my gym bag

Things I've resolved to do this year so they dont make it on next year's resolution list:

1. get organized

2. get to my ultimate, goal, "i will be so happy" weight/%body fat

3. get my echocardiography license

4. stop worrying about my weight

5. stop adding fat to the meals I cook (ha ha)

Things I will probably not get done this year that will go on next year's resolution list:

1. (see above list)

oh, and it rained and hailed today! what???!!!! that's crazy! it was like 100 degrees here. the hail would hit the ground and melt instantly. so i took this pic, love it, so Texas: the American flag, the Ford Mustang, crepe myrtle blooming, and crazy rain.... ahhh....